Thursday, November 1, 2012

update

The last year has been a rough year.  People that have known me for a long time know, that no matter what age I am turning, I always celebrate a younger age.  For a while it was 23, but then I upped it to 25 and have pretty much stayed at that age for a few years.   Last year 3 days after my 29th birthday I had the first ultrasound for our second baby.  Things didn't look bad that day, but they didn't necessary look good.  The doc thought I just wasn't as far along as I thought I was, but in my mind I knew that there should have been a heartbeat and not just a fetal pole.  A week later we found out we had lost the baby.  A couple weeks later on Oct 17th I miscarried the baby at home.  Those few months after were some of the hardest of my life. I was so devastated over losing the baby, but then so hopeful that we would get pregnant again right away.  So many people told me (including doctors) that I would be very fertile for the next 3 months.  Those months came and went with no pregnancy.  Here we are a year later and another birthday just passed.   People asked me if I was still going to celebrate 25, and the answer is no, I am totally ready to embrace 30 and a new decade!

Loss and grief are such a hard thing.  No one grieves the same way, and most people don't understand the pain and sadness you are feeling.  The winter months were some of my loneliest, and at times the mountain just seemed so high and so rocky and like it was never going to end.  It's hard because I know I have so much to be thankful for, especially when I look at the perfect little girl that lights up our lives, but at the same time it is hard to come to terms that some of your hopes and dreams may or may not come true.  I don't doubt God's perfect plan, but as humans it's hard to let go of these "perfect plans" we have in our minds.  I have no doubt that at some point I am going to look at our family situation, and say "wow I'm so glad God's plan is bigger than ours."  But right now being in this time of waiting has been hard.  I'm such a planner and very much a type A personality. I like to know what the future holds and how I can prepare for it.

 In January we decided to go back to our fertility doctor and start some of the same treatments we did to get pregnant with Charli.   Those didn't work, so we moved on to some more invasive options and so far those haven't worked either.  To say the past few months of negative pregnancy tests have been hard is a huge understatement.  For the most part I think I tend to hold it together pretty well, but lately not so much.  We felt such a peace about the treatments we have done, so then it's hard to come to terms with them not working.  We have just held onto the fact that we know God is sovereign and his plan is always perfect.

Since very early in our relationship, Davy and I have always talked about adopting.  We knew that would be part of our lives at some point we just weren't sure when.  In August we started talking about adopting a little more in depth.  At this point we really really just want to have more children.  We love Charli with everything in us, but we also know we have a lot of love to give.  Before I got pregnant with C I tried calling the state of TN to get some information.  At that time almost everyone I talked to was rude and very unhelpful, we finally got signed up for classes.  Then the week before we were supposed to start our foster care classes I found out I was pregnant.  I was sick as a dog and just couldn't imagine sitting through that many weeks of classes.  So we decided to postpone.  This time around when I called in August everyone was so nice and so helpful.  Within 8 hours of making my first call we were scheduled to start classes 2 weeks later.  I was dreading the classes, every Thursday night for 7 weeks for 3-4 hours.  yuck, but amazingly we really really enjoyed them.  We went into the classes saying we only wanted to take a foster child that we knew we could adopt.  About 4 weeks into the classes the Lord had really softened our hearts.  First it was Davy, then it was me.  The classes were a time of growth and soul searching.  After one of the classes I seriously cried the ugly cry for at least two hours.  These kids in the system have been through so much and most of them just want to be loved.  Now we are getting ready to open our hearts and love them, then not know if we can keep them, and that is scary.  But the Lord has been making it so clear these past couple months we are where we are supposed to  be.  We finished all of our paperwork, interviews and home study in record time.  Right now we are waiting for the state approve us, then we will wait for our first foster child.    When you are pregnant you get 9 months to prepare for your life to change.   You have time to get our house ready, buy sweet things, tell their brother or sister they are on the way, but with foster care we have no idea what it will look like or how to even prepare Charli.  But through this I have just had to remind myself that if we are doing what we are called to do, God is going to take care of those details.  So for now we just wait, and pray for that child that is brought into our home.  I was telling a friend that it's a hard thing to pray for, because we know if we child is brought here they have been through a lot already and that just breaks my heart.  So if you think about that child that is about to be placed in our home please pray for them.  They have a long road ahead of them.

I know a lot of people will wonder where that leaves us fertility wise, and to tell you the truth I have no idea. We have stopped doing some of the treatments we have done in the past, but we haven't stopped all of them.  It is still a very strong desire for us to have more biological children and I don't think we are supposed to give up quite yet.

Thanks for reading this long jumbled mess of thoughts, sometimes I just need a place to put it down on paper and where I can come back and read it a few years from now, when this all just seems like a blip on the radar.

Monday, October 8, 2012

playing catch up

I always feel like I'm playing catch up with this blog and I'm really going to hate myself one day when I don't have anything written down!  I really thought I would get better about keeping up with things once Charli got a little older, but you know how it is, something always comes up when you have a 2 year old.

We are having such a great time with Charli at this age. I know everyone says 2's are terrible but so far we love it! Don't get me wrong, we have tantrums, a lot of tantrums  and some days I am too scared to take her to run errands because I fear she will scream like a banshee, and then people will shake their heads at me and think, "why can't that woman control her child."  But the good days are just so good that I tend to forget about all the screaming and whining until it starts again the next day.  Charli's little personality has just gotten so cute.  She pretty much talks non stop and repeats everything I say throughout the day.  I used to talk on the phone a lot when I was driving, but now I can't because my child has a running commentary of everything she sees out the window.  Some days she even talks about the things she doesn't see.  I was asking a friend the other day if she thought I should be worried about the "things" Charli sees out the window, or if it is just her imagination this early.  While we are driving she will say things like "Mommy, I saw a deer! A deer and it just jumped over my head!"  We just decided she has a very healthy imagination. :)

Charli started "school" at the end of August.  It is a Mother's day out program twice a week from 9am-2pm.  Her first day of school she ran right in and barely said bye to me.  After I left I didn't even know what to do with myself.  I felt so guilty the whole first day, that I had just left my 2 year old with someone else for the whole day and I'm not even working!  But after that first day I have really gotten spoiled.  She loves it and really I do too.  She has already learned so much from being in school.  They work on a color and a number each day and she always comes home with the cutest little art projects and lots of stories to tell me.  She has also learned all sorts of new songs.  Sometimes we can figure out what song she is singing, but other days we have no idea!  Her all time favorite song is Jesus loves, melts my heart.

Her favorite thing to say right now is "oh no, what happened?" She pretty much says that 1 million times a day.  She has also stopped saying "no" so much and has replaced that with, "oh, ok."  After getting her dressed in the mornings a lot of days she will say, "I look so pretty!" haha cute now, but not going to be so cute in a couple years!

She still hates trying new foods, I have no idea how she survives sometimes.  Her diet really consists of any type of fruit, beans and rice, chicken nuggets, grilled cheese, pb&j, turkey rolls, oatmeal, and granola bars.  Seriously.  It's like pulling teeth to even get her to try something new.  Makes me crazy!!

Now for the photo bomb....
Stuffing her face with goldfish before her first day of school 
She would not smile for us that morning!




Davy walking her into her first day of school



 For the past year or so we have been going to church on Saturday nights, so Sundays have turned into Sunday funday.  These were taken one Sunday morning in early September when we went to the aquarium.

She LOVES to pet the stingrays

Outside the aquarium there is a big field and she loves to run wild there


Playing her favorite game of tag

Love these two!
 She is going to kill me for posting these someday.  A lot of times if we are at home she is running around in just her panties with some kind of dress up item on.  These crack me up.




Friday, July 20, 2012

2 years old!

I can't believe I have been putting off writing this blog post for a month!

Charli turned 2 on June 21st!!  I know, I know, I sound like a broken record, but seriously, how can she already be 2?!?!

This year we decided not to do a big birthday party.  I know most people think that's criminal, but seriously, at this age she really isn't going to remember it and she would probably have spent most of the party crying!  But we do have some really amazing friends, my friend Jessica invited us to come over the morning of C's birthday for breakfast, when we got there some of our favorite friends were there too!  It was so amazingly sweet of them to think of Charli and have that little get together.  

After our breakfast play date we met up with Davy.  I could not decide what to get C for her birthday, so we took her to Toys R Us and let her pick out something she wanted.  We came home with an automatic bubble blower that she is in love with!  After that we headed to the mall to eat her favorite lunch of chick fil a.  

Later that evening Uncle Robby and Aunt Joanna came over to help us celebrate for dinner.  We had Charli's second favorite food, of pizza then topped it off with some cake!  Rob and Jo got Charli her own little trampoline for her bday, so we spent the remainder of the evening putting it together then watching her jump like crazy!  She seriously loves that trampoline!  

So all in all I would say Charli had a very special 2nd bday!

I know most people say twos are terrible, but so far we are loving it.  Don't get me wrong, Charli is far from an angel and she definitely knows how to throw a royal temper tantrum, but there is also so much to love about this age.  Her little personality is just so funny! She is a sweet as can be, and has turned into a great cuddlier.  

Her vocabulary just continues to grow.  She has really gotten to the point that she can express most of what she is feeling and thinking.  Sometimes we just look at each other because we can't believe she can say so much!  She has also turned into a little copycat, that mostly comes out when she is playing with her stuffed animals or some bath toys that look like little hippos. The other night she was in the bath and she kept looking at her hippo and saying "No poopin in your panties, kay?" She literally said that to the hippo about 10 times!  Then a few nights after that we were all sitting on the couch and davy went to hug me, and she really really hates if he hugs or tries to hold my hand (jealous much?).  She kept telling him "I said no"  "Don't do dat" the last one that just about did us in was "Do you wanna spankin?"  Oh my gosh who is this child!?!  We couldn't even keep from laughing!  She is a little parrot!!

It's fun to look back at when she was a newborn and see how much her little personality was already showing.  She was a very high maintenance baby and when she wanted something she wanted it right then. She is still very much that way.  Very head strong, stubborn, and when she has her mind made up there is no changing it.  I can't wait to see how that develops as she grows into school age, then teenage and eventually an adult.  I know there will be trying times, but at the same time its exciting to see how that shapes who she becomes.

We are finally done potty training!  We still have the occasional accident, but for the most part we are accident free!  Pottery training this strong willed child was sooooooo hard!  There were days for a while that I wasn't sure that I made the right decision.  Pooping was a nightmare each and every time.  She would hold it for a few days then it would be so hard she would be scared to poop. Ahhh!!! But thankfully after a lot of coaching and telling her she had to growl like a bear while pushing (yes you do things you never thought you would do as a mom) she finally got it!!

There isn't a day that we aren't thankful for the miracle and the blessing that she is in our life.  We are truly trying to cherish each moment and not take any day for granted.


Eating her birthday pancakes at the Dunn's house

Headed to Toys R Us
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Happy 2nd Birthday Sweet Girl!
 We love you!!

Thursday, May 24, 2012

23 month

23 months...twenty-three months...holy crap how are we already talking about twenty.three.months.  


I seriously cannot believe in less than a month I will have a 2 year old.  Seriously, I know I say this all the time, but what happened to the last two years?  Part of me LOVES that we are at such a fun age, and so much fun to be around, but part of me is so sad that my baby is growing up so quick! I know people say it goes quick, but I don't think you totally realize how quick it goes, until you are in it.  I know I am jumping way ahead of myself, but I literally feel like I am going to blink my eyes and I am going to be taking her to kindergarten.

I can't believe I haven't written a monthly post in four months.  I wasn't planning on doing them monthly, but I really wasn't planning on going that long in between either!  The past few months have been so much fun! I know I say this every time, but this is such a fun age!!! We have so much fun together during the day and the amount of words and things she can put together literally amazes me.  I was laughing last weekend to Davy, because most days, my goal is to do something that is fun for Charli.  Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of days that are the same old same old, of running errands and cleaning house, but I do try to make life fun for her.  She LOVES the park, playing at the mall, going swimming, playing outside, seeing friends, and absolutely LOVES the aquarium.  So we try and do those fun things through the week.

Her talking has just exploded over the past couple of months.  She is now putting together two and three word sentences, which makes life so much easier!  Her favorites, are "that's so funny" "Daddy working" "Ivey (more like IB) sleeping" Well almost everyone is always sleeping.  I am guilty of telling her people are sleeping when they aren't around, because she understands that concept.  Now I pay for it by her going through her list of friends telling me they are sleeping. When we are in the car I hear a lot of "he running" "car, vroom vroom" "water! (anytime we see a lake or pool)."  Robby and Joanna kept her for the evening a few weeks ago, when we got there we woke her up to take her home, all the way home she was telling us what they did that night.  I was very happy that Joanna had given me a heads up on their activities because I'm not sure I would have interpreted it correctly.  This is what we heard all the way home "There's water down there, mason got the ball, it's funny, hahaha!"  Davy and I were cracking up all the way home.  Basically they had gone out to the lake behind their house and the neighbors had brought their dog Mason out to swim in the lake and get the ball, and she thought it was the funniest thing ever!
She always gets really mad if anyone gets upset or passionate about anything.  If davy and I are even somewhat having a disagreement and our voices change she starts scream "STOP HONEY MOMMA." And its not just limited to us, I had a friend over one afternoon and she was passionate about what she was saying and Charli started screaming that at her.  At first we thought it was really funny, but now it can get quite annoying.
She loves to swim, every morning I hear "I wanna go swimming right now," for the past week I've been putting her off.  The water is still a little cold here!

Animals still make her the happiest little girl alive.  She can spot any animal from a mile away and loves to hug and pet anything.  The bigger the better in her option.

We took the plunge and potty trained her about a month ago.  She had a little potty that a friend had given her and she had started peeing on it about once a day, then one day after peeing she decided she didn't want to wear a diaper anymore.  So I decided now seemed like as good a time as ever.  Boy did I not know what I was getting myself into.  The next morning we started the "3 day potty training boot camp."  Wow the first day was terrible. I think there was pee all over my house.  We were so exhausted she took a 4 hour nap that afternoon!  Days two and three were better, but still so so tiring!  So a month into being potty trained and we still have a few accidents if we have friends over, and pooping is still quite an ordeal, but I am so proud of her for how well she has been doing!  Today we went out and got some ice cream after pooping on the potty. She had been holding it for a couple days, so you can imagine how traumatizing that can be!  Hopefully it will continue to get easier!

I know I say this a lot, but the time is just going so fast, and we are trying to savor every minute.  Don't get me wrong, there are hard days, but I am scared I'm going to blink my eyes and she is going to be all grown up.  We feel so incredibility blessed to be able to raise our sweet baby girl.


Friday, May 4, 2012

May


Last May brought so much anticipation.  I could tell my body was "working again" since having Charli and we decided that it was as good of a time as ever to start trying for baby number 2.  I got pregnant in August and May 14th was supposed to be the due date of our next child.  Now May is here again, and it hasn't been a month that was I looking forward to.  In way I can't believe May is already here, in another way it feels like its been slowly heading my way for months.  Instead of feeling excited, I have been feeling a dull ache.  An ache for something that will not be, an ache in my heart and ache in my arms.  Not only did we lose a baby, but we lost what we had hoped would be Charli's baby sister or brother.  For the first few months after the miscarriage I was sad of the loss of the pregnancy, now as the months have gone on and it would we would be closer to bringing home that baby, I am so sad about the baby we lost.  I have quite a few facebook friends and people that I see on a regular basis that had due dates right around mine.  A few of them have had their precious miracles and a few are still in the very uncomfortable stages of the end of pregnancy.  And it hard not to think about what could have been.

This journey that we are on was never promised to be an easy one.  We were promised that we would never be given more than we could handle, and that He would be there to help carry the load.   There have been hard days.  Days that I have been so sad it been hard to function, but there have been beautiful days.  Days where we have been blessed with so much, that it is hard to deny the love of our heavenly father.  Three years ago right now I was struggling to get pregnant with Charli, it had been a long road up to that point and I still had a long journey to go.  But now looking back at those times I can truly see God's hand working in our lives.  I know that this is just another part of that story, a part that I will look back on in a few years and truly see the hand of God working in our hearts.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Terrible at blogging

I am terrible at keeping up with this blog!  Although we have had a busy few months, so I guess I can use that as an excuse.
In Febaurary we went to Snowshoe, West Virginia with a couple of Davy's college roommates and their wives.  It was so nice to hang out with every and let all the kids play together!  It was super cold, so we mostly stayed at the cabin while the guys skied, but in the evenings we did go out to dinner.  One of the nights we were there they got about 4 inches of snow!  We loved that!  Charli had such a great time playing with all the boys.  Out of the five guys that lived in the house together during college, only two of them have had girls!  So there are 5 boys, and 2 girl kids so far!  Here are a few pics from the weekend.
Roommates and Kids!
Ryan and Rory
Pete with Baylor, Parker and Titus
Davy with Charli

We actually got some family pics! 
I could not believe Charli wore all these layers without throwing a fit!  I think it was like 20 degrees outside, and she could have cared less! This child loves to be outside. 
It was super bright at the ski slope, so she borrowed Daddy's goggles.



About two weeks after we got home from Snowshoe, we headed out on our next adventure to Keystone, Colorado to go skiing.  We love to book last minute trips, and this one was pretty last minute.  We booked our tickets about 3 weeks before we left!  At first I wasn't so sure if it would be fun, but it ended up being amazing!  I'll post more about the trip when I get some of my pictures off my other camera.  

Other than that we have just been hanging out, playing outside, enjoying the amazing weather and having fun with Charli! She has gotten to be so sweet and grown up.  I wish I could just keep her this age forever!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

19 Month Update

Whoa where did that last two months go?!?! I have started a few posts but they were all a little too sad, so they will probably stay in my archive folder.  Things here have been good.  Charli is growing up so much!  And her speech has just exploded over the past two weeks.   Last time I updated she was saying a handful of words, now she basically tries to repeat everything I say.  With her learning to talk there has been so much less screaming and crying in this house!  Now most of the time when she wants something she is able to tell me. Most people probably can't understand all her words, but since I am with her all the time, I am learning to understand "charli."

  • Her favorite thing to do right now is to go outside, she will stand at the back door on her tip toes trying to reach the handle and open the door! So far she hasn't been able to get it open, but I think we are only a couple weeks away from her opening it on her own. 
  •  This child basically has no fear, she is a maniac when it comes to slides.  I took her to a big park in Hixson on Monday and she kept going down the slides head first, and we aren't talking the little baby slides, these are the big kid slides! 
  • She is totally obsessed with looking at pictures on my phone.  If she sees my phone she starts screaming pictures!  She loves to point out her friends in the pictures.  I don't know where she learns this stuff but its crazy, we had not seen her friend Emersyn in a couple months and I showed her a picture of E on my phone the other day and she said "Emersyn."  Right now she can correctly name, Noah Blake, Emersyn, Ivey, Tripp, Uncle Robby, Uncle Austin, Uncle Noah, Alicia, Uncle "Iza", Nana (briana), Nana (my mom), Jojo and Daddy.
  • She has started calling Davy, Davy instead of Daddy.  He doesn't like that too much!
  • She has to sleep with her pink blankie and her pink bear
  • When she wants me to help her do something she says "help you"
  • Yesterday when I was chasing her around the house (one of her FAVORITE inside activities she kept saying "get you" I think because I am always saying I'm gonna get you!
  • We watch elmo videos on youtube about a million times a day.  She can't get enough elmo!
  • Dogs are still her all time fav animal!  She can spot one from miles away, we will be walking through the store and she will start saying doggie doggie, and it will take me a second to figure out there is a picture of a dog on the side of a package!!
  • She is a great snuggler in the morning when she drinks her milk.  It's going to make me so sad when she doesn't do this anymore! 
Words she says on a regular basis without being prompted, doggie, mommy, daddy, outside, get you, help you, elmo, pictures, look (loves to point at things out the window of the car and say look), truck, car, boat, baby, bear, blanket, milk, water, snack, cracker, stuck, love you, Noah (this girl must have a huge crush on Noah, she talks about him all the time!), publix (every time she says this it cracks me up, we pulled into publix the other day and she said it), thank you (when she hands me food off her tray that she doesn't like she says "thank you" when I take it from her), chicken, grapes, blueberries, miko, pug, yucky, poopie, pee pee, come, slide, shower, bath, up please, home (when I pull into the neighborhood she starts saying home, home, home), gymnastics (although its not too clear), running, and jumping.  I think that's it right now.  Wow I didn't realize her vocab was so big till I just tried to write it down!


We went to the doctor of her 18 month check up about a month ago. She was 20.6lbs and I can't for the life of me remember how tall she was.  But I do know she was in the 25% for height!  And had grown a couple inches since her 15 month check up.  
  

We are so thankful this baby girl and the joy that she brings to this house!

I'll leave you with a video from walmart today.  She played with one of these popper toys at her friend Noah's house yesterday, when we saw it at walmart she started screaming for it.  There was no leaving without it!